When Someone in Your Family Plays the Victim
We all know that person who's prone to a victim mentality. If anything goes sideways in their globe, they instinctually divert to woe-is-me-isms, pointing fingers, or any behavior that helps them seek pity. A victim mentality is marked by a general sense that the unhappiness one feels or the circumstances one endures are completely the fault of others. Those who play the victim deflect blame and responsibility. It'south an result that can pb to serious bug in a marriage.
Victim mentality is complicated and often a coping mechanism formed in babyhood. Merely if you're in a relationship with someone who constantly sees themselves as the victim in their personal narrative, it can be a constant swirl of chaos and emotional upheaval. You may find yourself constantly being blamed for their problems, or always listening to them talk about how null goes right in their lives and that they are powerless to modify their circumstances.
Those who possess a victim mentality volition frequently offer excuses for their actions, insisting that it'due south always someone else's fault, or use passive aggression as a means of wearing others down until they get their way. In addition, someone who is in a relationship with a person prone to victim mentality volition ofttimes find themselves doing tasks for them, taking intendance of them, constantly edifice them upwards, and, oftentimes, fugitive subjects that might upset them in any mode. While victim mentality can oft be the event of Coping with the almost-constant menstruation of negative energy, and coping with it can be exhausting and trying. In order to begin to endeavour and deal with someone who is a victim, you accept to be able to spot the signs.
"Signs of victimhood include a great bargain of worrying aloud and complaining, rejecting guidance or advice, harping on the aforementioned bug repeatedly without solving them, and engaging with you in such a way as to give you the impression or hope that they wish to hear what you accept to say or change," says Karen R. Koenig, a psychotherapist, blogger and author of seven books. "A tip off for therapists that someone has a victim mindset is that they're working very hard — harder than the customer — to engage or modify them, and that they feel victimized themselves by clients interim as if they want assistance so pushing it away."
Dr. Jeff Nalin, Psy.D, a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and the Founder and Chief Clinical Managing director of the Paradigm Treatment Centers, adds that a victim mentality creates a vicious reward bicycle that can be hard to escape.
"This mindset tin create patterns and generate 'rewards' that make information technology difficult for a person to break free," he says. "An unhealthy mindset allows individuals to avoid taking responsibleness; they may become manipulative as other people will often feel pitiful for them and consequently lavish extra attention on them.
Once these rewarding patterns are formed, Nalin says, they are hard to change. More and then, a victim mindset can become attractive to some people, equally it grants them specific ability, the power to avert responsibleness, to feel persecuted, to not have to bargain with hard emotions and situations, and, above all, the power to manipulate other people.
"In short," Nalin says, "a victim mentality empowers a person past garnering attention and the feeling of being valued and in control."
It'southward important to note that, per Nalin, those with a victim mentality are likely not aware of their mindset and haven't actively chosen to live this way. This presents a difficult challenge for their partner or anyone who is trying to help them. But it is certainly possible to take productive measures. So how do you intermission someone out of a victim mentality? Hither are a few steps to take.
Mind and Empathize. Simply Don't Always Agree
Those who find themselves in a relationship with someone who has a victim mentality demand to empathise that arguing with the person well-nigh it will not solve the problem. Virtually of the fourth dimension, the person simply wants to exist heard and know that someone else understands the style they're feeling and supports them. They're convinced that they're in the right. The partner'southward job is to listen to their complaints merely avoid proverb that they hold with their sentiment. "It's important not to agree with them," Nilan cautions, "merely to convey empathy for how they feel." You tin can still exist helpful and loving without telling them they're in the right.
Point Out Their Thinking
It'due south certainly difficult to make a person with a victim mentality enlightened of how they're behaving. And yous demand to pick your times wisely. But if or when the opportunity presents itself, it'southward of import to point it out. That clarity, says Nilan, is ofttimes hat they need to suspension the cycle of victimhood. "Acknowledging that they are stuck in a rut and encouraging them to detect some solutions may be all that is needed to assist them seek modify," says Nilan.
Of grade, awareness is only function of the solution. It will take perseverance and pushing through resistance to get someone with a victim mentality to try and change their mindset. "Although what happens to us in our past is across our control, we have the ability to reclaim our power and become responsible for our own happiness," Nilan says.
Help Them Take Responsibility
Accountability is one of the central strategies is overcoming a victim mindset. The person playing the victim has to take responsibility for their deportment and for their role in the events of their life. "When they are answerable for their own feelings, actions, and well-being, they tin can move forward to bigger and better things," says Nilan. "Otherwise, the poisonous pattern will go on."
1 such way to do this is to encourage them to be mindful of negative thoughts that tin seep into their minds. A person who is liable to be a victim needs to consistently take steps to counter those thoughts and keep themselves from slipping back into old patterns. Mindfulness activities can be a real assist here. "Fifty-fifty doing something as simple as jotting down feelings will assist outgrow the negative mentality and overcome any challenge at mitt."
Help Them Dear Themselves
A victim mentality tin accept root when a person doesn't like themselves, and it's of import that they learn to be kinder to themselves in order to suspension the cycle of victimhood and learn how to exist kind to others also. This is where self-intendance comes into play. "Eating right, getting enough sleep, and implementing practices such as mindful meditation, journaling, and positive affirmations will aid them heal and rid their minds of negative thoughts," Nilan says.
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Source: https://www.fatherly.com/love-money/what-to-do-when-your-spouse-always-plays-the-victim/
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